Well that pretty much sums up how I felt leaving yesterday. I thought I was doing okay until I had to walk away. I couldn't even tell you what I was feeling, I've never experienced anything like it. We had to be officially discharged from my room and have a nurse wheel me down to the car. As I left, I held it together but the image of us posing for a picture, me in the wheel chair with a baby in my arms, and Daniel standing behind flashed into my head. I was crying as my sweet husband buckled my seat belt for me.
Fast forward ten minutes and I was pulling up in the driveway with my sweet Whitaker waiting for me outside. He was so sweet and excited to see me and it warmed my heart. He kept offering to share all his toys with me and showing me things and talking to me in a voice I don't hear that often. And so my heart broke for him. And the guilt. So much guilt that he has to go through this and its not even over. He wanted Daniel to read him his books and put him to bed and it was Daniel who he cried out for at 2 AM. So that added another emotion that it wasn't me. Don't get me wrong, I am so so thankful that Daniel is such a great dad and has been Whitaker's security over the past month. Just a lot of shifting and changing all at once.
I called before bed to check on Caroline. They had taken her oxygen down from 30 to 25 so that was a positive. I also called at 2 AM and she was the same. All a positive report.
At her 9 AM assessment her oxygen was turned down to 21 (the lowest!).
Caroline is continuing to stay strong. Now her momma needs to do the same!
Daniel is over there now and I am about to head that way.