We are very slowly adjusting to our new normal. And by slowly, I mean at a snail's pace. But we will get there. My doctor told me that I could drive between 7 and 14 days from delivery as long as I was off pain medication and could slam on the breaks if needed. Well there is nothing like being away from your baby to provide a little motivation. So I went cold turkey off of those pain meds and drove for the first time last night. Being able to get to and from the hospital is huge for me. My amazing friends and family have both taken me and offered to take me, but there is just something about being able to go and come as needed that has taken away a portion of my anxiety. But little did I know that the pain meds weren't also numbing pain, they were knocking the edge off of my emotions. So basically I just cry... a lot ... for no reason. I'm really okay though. I think a lot of it is hormonal :)
Whitaker started back preschool today and I cried as we walked in the door! I was one of those women that wore my sunglasses inside, but really it was so Whitaker wouldn't see my tears. They were literally streaming down my face. The anxiety on Whitaker's face triggered my crying spell. Poor thing has my nerves and then to throw in everything that has been happening and I just want him happy. Of course he was much better off than I was and it only took a couple of minutes for him to acclimate. The assistant director emailed me a picture of him smiling in his classroom today, which meant so much. She knew I needed that security. He getting so much less attention right now from me but is so much stronger than I give him credit for. Speaking of no attention -- I didn't even take his "first day of preschool" picture. He wore a race car shirt and athletic shorts... so far from the normal first day picture. I just couldn't argue with him today. I will take one tomorrow as his first full day! (thats the one that really counts, right?!)
Caroline is doing really well (knock on wood). She had her 3 doses of Indocin, 12 hours apart, to help with the PDA (see Daniel's update for what exactly that is). She went from a medium to large PDA to a small one. The doctors reported this as great news and hopefully it will close up on it's own from here. They started her feedings back today at 6mLs. She is tolerating this amount well and will go up to 8mL at midnight. The neonatologist and the nurse practitioner (who evidently is a preemie picc line master) are still debating on if Caroline really does need the picc line. I think they are waiting to see how feedings go before they make any bold decisions. Caroline continues to have her bradycardia, "brady", episodes. But they are getting further and further apart. I have held her 2x now where she hasn't "brady'ed" on me. I see this as an improvement.
Otherwise Caroline is continuing to get stronger by the day. I continue to be so humbled by the prayers and outreach from our little community. If I do not answer calls or texts, please please please do not take it personally or think for one second that I do not appreciate it so so much. My schedule has just been all over the place and I can't talk on the phone in the NICU. I am so lucky to have wonderful people checking in on me and I never want that to be overlooked. Please bear with me!
Daniel held her for the first time yesterday. Well, the first time since the OR room. He was actually the first to hold her. I really hope I can get him to write how he felt when he held her because I can not do it justice. ... let's just say she was quite the wiggle worm!
Here are a few pictures!
I love this last one of her looking up at him!